just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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