as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
