At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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