I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
