ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
