The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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