kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
