So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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