oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
