so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
