she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
