I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
