my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
