Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
