I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
