Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
