the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
