I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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