I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
