Please, let me fuck your mom
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
