Only a mothe r could love this liver
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
