in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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