So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
