sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
