Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
