I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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