Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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