apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
