ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
