you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
