did you get engaged???
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
