how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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