I just cut my nipple shaving
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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