I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
