mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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