i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize