Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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