I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
