at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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