Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
