um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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