I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We smell like vodka and hangover
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