That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
