no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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