after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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