you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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