member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
