I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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