I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize