I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
