for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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