Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
