Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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