I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
