I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
