Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
