Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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