Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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