I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
