Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
