Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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