Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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