Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
