Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize