I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
