And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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