It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
is it fun? or sober?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
