Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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