Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize