Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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