I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
