Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My balls are so social today.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
