yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
