my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
