im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
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