does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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