i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
