textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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