He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
