I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
tell me about the eggs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
