Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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