It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
