people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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