We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
There r osticjed everywhere
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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