Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
