My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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