its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
