I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
