i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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