Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
