You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My breasts were aching with rage.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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