I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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