i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You're like the curious george of whores
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
