Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you win again, gameday.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
