Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
