Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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