if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
