I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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