Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize