nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
