I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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