I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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