whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The beer is more important than you right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
