If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize