im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
