Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
