My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
