Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
