My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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