remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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