we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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