Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
