my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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