i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Randomize
