I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
