He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
