Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
A bitchslap is in order.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
