My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
